Against the Loveless World by Susan Abulhawa

Author:Susan Abulhawa
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781526618788
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2020-06-08T09:55:59+00:00

I packed my bags. The belonging and acceptance I had found seemed an illusion. Palestine was my mother’s world. It belonged to Sitti Wasfiyeh’s stories. Palestine did not want me, nor I her any longer. I was again untethered and vulnerable, a stranger in a place that had felt like home. Needing an anchor and solid ground beneath my feet, I didn’t know what to do except go back to Amman. But I had to wait a few days more for the finalized divorce papers, time I spent with Hajjeh Um Mhammad—gardening, cooking, feeding the chickens, watching her favorite soap operas, praying, and talking. Bilal stayed away, returning late in the evenings.

Hajjeh Um Mhammad tried to convince me not to leave. “You made me love you, and now you’re leaving. Don’t do that to an old woman. This is your home,” she said. I wondered if she knew. If she would still want me if she did.

The divorce papers were completed in another two weeks. They were on the table one morning. Bilal had left a letter for me in the package.

Dearest Nahr,

I know there’s nothing I can say to convince you to stay, but I want nothing more. Palestine is your home, even if you choose not to live with us.

I would like to speak with you. I fear you have made some false assumptions. It pains me that you will carry them with you. For the sake of our friendship, will you please allow time for me before you go? There are some things you have a right to know, secrets I’ve carried for too long. I will be in the hills with the flock until sundown. I’ll wait in our spot, hoping you will come.

Love, B.

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